Idk about you guys but I started off 2018 with hopes, plans, ideas, dreams all of it. I was going to quit my retail job become a blogger start my journey of being a wife and over all just rock it. Well I’m gonna tell ya right now I did not rock it, i sucked it… big time.
So I’m reflecting on my year… my wins, my loses, where I went wrong and what I want to change so that this can be my year. And maybe if you are struggling like I am it can be yours too.
I let fear win.
I am for the most part a square. A rule follower. A law abider. I don’t like to rock the boat, I don’t like to inconvenience people, I like to take the safe route. But by doing these things all of my life I never took any chances, I never took the road less traveled, I never did anything uncomfortable. And so at the beginning on 2018 I set out to change all of these things about my square life. But instead of grabbing the bull by the horns and just diving feet first… I choked. I got scared. Scared i would fail. Scared I would let my wife down, that I wouldn’t succeed. I let fear win.
I fell back into old habits
I have always worked in retail. I started young around 17 and worked my way to become a store manager. Trouble was it was not all it was cracked up to be… and I quickly found myself very unhappy. Luckily in January of 2018 I was able to leave my miserable job and start my new life. Well like I mentioned I didn’t end up really starting all that much and after a few months I was beginning to feel like a failure. To combat this feeling that I was failing my wife and myself I decided to get a part-time job… in retail. What I thought was just going to be a few hours a week and a way to get my confidence back turned into a more then I expected part-time management position that started to consume my life. This is classic me. I hate the job but I’m good at it and its easy for me so I stay, so that I can feel like I am doing the right thing. Problem with this is I am not doing the right thing. I’m selling myself short. So as you can imagine once I started working more, my blog fell by the wayside. My plans took a back seat and before I even realized what was happening I had fallen back into my old ways of putting work first and me second.
So the bad news is I am basically in the same place I was last year, the good news is its never to late to start over.
Goals for 2019
Create a life I LOVE
If you are anything like me I hope you took from this that it is NOT too late to change your life. Setbacks WILL happen, life is TOUGH and SCARY but it is on us to make our dreams come true!
Happy New Year All!